After-Supper Ghost Stories by Jerome K. Jerome

Author:Jerome K. Jerome
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Alma Books
Published: 2017-05-19T16:29:52+00:00

Tea Kettles

It is asserted by scientific men that you can take a kettle full of boiling water off the fire, and, placing it on your outstretched hand, carry it round the room without suffering any hurt to yourself whatever; unless, of course, the thing upsets.

It is necessary to be sure that the water actually boils, as otherwise you will burn your hand, and it is also as well to look and see that there are no hot cinders clinging to the bottom of the kettle. These two rules observed, the exercise may be indulged in with much success.

The explanation of the seeming phenomenon is very simple. The heat from the fire passes through the kettle and into the water, and thus, as soon as the water boils, the kettle, as anyone who has studied science and these sort of things will readily understand, becomes cool, and may be carried about in the way I have explained instead of by the handle.

For myself, I generally adopt the handle method, notwithstanding, and take a towel to it. I did try the scientific way once, but I do not think the water could have been boiling; and that, as I have explained, is a very important point, because, except when the water is actually boiling, the kettle is hot, and you are apt to say: “Oh! Damn!” and drop it, and the water splashes out all over the floor. And then all the folks you have invited into the kitchen to witness this triumph of science, they say “Oh! Damn!” too, and skip about in a disorderly manner, and flick their feet in the air, and rush out into the passage, where they sit down on the cool oilcloth and try to take off both boots at once.

I do not know how it is, but I have generally found a certain amount of variance between theory and practice. I remember they told me, when I was learning swimming, that if I lay flat on my back, with my arms extended and kept perfectly still, I could not sink – not even if I wanted to. I don’t know why they should have thought that I wanted to, but they evidently considered that there was a chance of my trying to do so, and that it was only kind of them to advise me not to, as the effort could only result in disappointment and loss of time. I might, if I stopped there on the water long enough, die of starvation or old age; or I might, in the case of a fog coming on, be run down by a boat and killed that way; but sink and be drowned, they assured me, I could not be. For a man to sink when lying on his back on the water was an utter impossibility: they worked this out on a slate, and made it quite clear to me, so that I saw it for myself.

And day after day, I would go down to

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